Healing Ambiguous Loss After Layoff

Ambiguous loss (aka frozen grief & grief limbo) is a profound sense of loss over something unexpected that lacks closure, leaves unanswered questions, is not recognized by others, and has no organized activity like a funeral to mark the loss.

Causes of Ambiguous Loss:

Layoffs, job loss from workplace bullying, climate grief, trauma from racial injustice, a loved one’s unsolved disappearance, addiction or cognitive changes (e.g., dementia) to a physically present partner, and major life changes like COVID-19 social distancing orders.

Ambiguous loss feels like:

loneliness, heightened stress, confusion, sorrow, numbness, pain, bitterness, persistent longing, rumination, guilt, & anger.

Grieving is necessary, it is often not linear, & benefits from naming & marking the loss, including contradictory feelings.

Toxic Job Ambiguous Loss Healing Activities:

🍽️Layoff anniversary dinners with loved ones are good for sharing complex feelings from toxic jobs (e.g., relief, anger, sorrow, pride in survival, & gratitude for freedom from abusive workplaces).

📝Write a letter to the old you before the layoff with advice and encouragement to getting through the layoff. Notice & honor the coping strategies & survival wisdom you developed along the way.

👩🏽‍💻Make a list of the losses and read the list to a friend, family member, or therapist. Toxic job survivors’ lists might include missed professional opportunities, sabotaged work product, being passed over for promotions, and inaccurate performance evaluations.

🖼️Design a collage that visually depicts the ambiguous loss- images cut from magazines and online sources can help “name” the indescribable emotional aspects of ambiguous loss.

📑Edit a printout of the job description with a red marker to add invisible tasks of tolerating exposure to abuse from workplace bullie’s narcissistic rages, managing conflict created by mobbing behavior, and extra energy and time required to stay one step ahead of flying monkeys (i.e., workplace bullies’ helpers who prey on target’s trust & report information disclosed in confidence, back to the bully).

📸Photograph examples of the toxic job experiences from the perspective of distance like the below image of the sky reflected in a pond. In the midst of chronic abuse the brain processes information differently, which can make it difficult to discern truth from gaslighting (i.e., what’s real from false). While in the toxic job, abusive workplace dynamics can impact all aspects of a person’s life, distorting the ability to trust one’s self & others. Reject shame and self blame by recalling that abuse is *never* the fault of the person being abused.

With time away from abuse, professional confidence, passion for life, & empowering collegial relationships can develop and will be accented by post-traumatic growth from toxic job survival.